While haphazardly hiking some poorly rendered forest, I stumbled across Maynard Sachs – the featherless bird of paradise wannabe – whilst searching for a clearing suitable to take a dump in. Dude was sleeping or standoffish, (I didn’t ask,) and was occupying what would have been a choice spot, so with a raised middle finger, I cursed his insensitivity. Dude was a grade-A prick.

Hello?  Anyone still come around here?  Turns out, I was alive the whole time!  So procrastination, a completely fucked work schedule, and a complete lack of time has rendered me creatively infertile for too goddamned long.  Sure, I scribbled an occasional doodle while at work, and its true that I often fell asleep to random art tutorials on Youtube, but I was starting to sink into the hole that only the truly unproductive can know the disgusting feeling of.  It fucking sucked.  With the realization that it has been over a year since my last post, it was finally time to try to start digging myself out, one painful shovelful after another, or risk reaching that point of no return.

Now before this gets too wordy, here’s what I got:

BirdOfParadiseFuckOff
“While haphazardly hiking some poorly rendered forest, I stumbled across Maynard Sachs – the featherless bird of paradise wannabe – whilst searching for a clearing suitable to take a dump in. Dude was sleeping or standoffish, (I didn’t ask,) and was occupying what would have been a choice spot, so with a raised middle finger, I cursed his insensitivity. Dude was a grade-A prick.” – Created in Corel Painter

Have you ever taken a piss at some random place and just kind of stared at the speckles of paint on the wall?  Or maybe looked closely at a series of water stains, or rust, or any other random bullshit.  Kind of let your eyes go out of focus until your brain starts to find images in them?  I have, way too often.  I always regret that I can’t take a mental snapshot of what I envisioned, but I suspect that taking a pencil and sketchbook into a public piss-house might not be considered proper etiquette…  There is a point to this.

So, I was horribly out of practice, and had absolutely no idea of what I wanted to make, thus I decided to force that needed creativity by emulating that random bullshit I mentioned above.  I started by taking the cover off of my poor neglected Wacom Cintiq, fired up Corel Painter, and found a nice scratchy noise brush.  Next, I beat the shit out of the canvass with fast random noise until it was covered with an explosion of fine lines.  Finally, I stared at all of those strange marks until my eyes went out of focus and my imagination awoke.  Using the pencil I began the long process of turning the noise into what my imagination saw.  Look closely enough, and those random marks can still be seen, (I actually am quite pleased with how they give the illustration some character, and plan on utilizing this technique in the future.)  That process guided me through the creation of the creature in its entirety.

With half of the canvass filled, I strained my eyes and saw a tree.  This made sense, but felt very bland.  The picture needed something else to help give it balance.  I could make out the beginnings of a person in the noise, but who was it, and what would they be doing?  And then it all came clear.  The last and only self-portrait I have ever done was over 35 years ago (I’d imagine while I was still shitting my Huggies,) though I have “finished” it MUCH later, and what better reference availability than myself?!  Fact is, I’m usually available the same times I’m available, so it all kind of worked out.  As for what I would be doing, I decided to stick with what I know: drinking an energy drink and flipping someone off  (yeah, I drive an hour each way to work on country roads…my middle finger gets its workout.)

As time was limited, I worked on this a few hours here and there every few days for about a month.  In the end, I am happy with what I have done, but even happier that the little driving fire in me has not been completely extinguished.  I have a newfound sense of urgency to create, will be starting a new job in a few weeks that hopefully allows me a little more personal time, and I can remember once more exactly how good it feels to just make something.

I will be back.

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Looks Like Crayfish-Clawed Betty’s Gone and Growd a God-Damned Seed Pod on Her Side

A new year and a new resolution to go unfulfilled.  I optimistically promise myself that I can and will make a series of surreal, bizarre, and downright adult-themed ebony pencil drawings this year.  I pretend that I believe the bullshit story that I can do about one a week, but I know for a fact that I am full of shit.  Still…here’s the first:

GrownAPod
“Grown A Pod” – the first in a planned series of adult-themed bizarre ebony pencil drawings. Based on your mom.

I have always appreciated when a book or movie doesn’t feel the need to explain the background or motivations of a character or situation; rather they just are, or just do.  In leaving out said information, the viewer or reader is forced to engage his or her imagination.  Imagination will always have the potential to be infinitely richer and more terrifying or satisfying than any slop you might see on a page or a screen.

With this series I am not going to tell why why this beef-curtain-toting crayfish-clawed chick decided to grow a seed pod on one side of her rib-cage, I’m just going to show you that she in fact did, and leave it up to you to suss out the hows and whys.

Enjoy and stay tuned to see how long it takes me butcher yet another empty New Years resolution!

Baby New Year…1918

As my new job thinks that having me work third shift and way too many hours is the hip thing to do, I do only have a small handful of hours of “free time” available each week to do anything that can be considered “recreational”.  I try like hell to use at least a few of these random scraps of minutes to do activities that can be classified as “constructive”, then when I am done masturbating furiously to whatever the ID channel happens to be showing, I try to do some scribbling.  Without wasting any more time typing up this hot wit (I just turned on the ID channel after all) I present what is most likely going to be my final post of this year:

Boner
“Boner” – An ebony pencil drawing based on an original photograph I took of a real human skull I ended up shlepping on Ebay.

Fret not, I will be back with one to six vengeances in the new year!  Once again, to everyone who looks at my garbage, thanks! Happy New Years to you and I hope you don’t die!

Yoda Yoda Yoda…

Well, so much for semi-regular posts.  A billion things going on and a scarcity of time.  On the plus side though, there’s no shortage of projects on the burner, so with time and motivation at least I won’t be staring slack-jawed at the wall any more than usual!

“Yoda” – Ebony pencil and white Prismacolor colored pencil on gray-toned paper. Made for a friend.

This sick little puppy is based on some obscure Muppety mystic bastard from some unknown science fiction film…maybe “Shartnado 6: Molly Ringworm’s Firecrotch” or some shit like that?  Anyways, I believe this character was played by Kevin Spacey before he died, but I may be wrong.

I have a friend who took my poor ass to see the new Mad Max movie, and I had some new gray toned paper, so I decided to break out an ebony pencil and a white Prismacolor and shamelessly copy this creation from George Lopez’s cherished universe as a really shitty thank you to him.  He likes these scientifically accurate history flicks.

I REALLY hope to have another posting on here in the very near future.

Second Childhood – “Devil”

It’s been a while since I’ve posted.  I’m currently balls deep in a large elaborate colored pencil piece which is taking WAY longer than I had hoped, so I figured I’d take a quick break and finish something I started 32 years ago back in 1983:

"Devil 2015" - Drawn with pencil on scrap paper in 1983.  Finished in Corel Painter in 2015.
“Devil 2015” – Drawn with pencil on scrap paper in 1983. Finished in Corel Painter in 2015.
And the original:

"Devil 1983" - Apparently at the ripe age of 7 I pretty much figured out what my favorite genre was.
“Devil 1983” – Apparently at the ripe age of 7 I pretty much figured out what my favorite genre was.
I consider myself extremely lucky to have parents with an appreciation for art.  My mother is an artist and my dad is a published writer.  Together they were very encouraging and supportive for anything related to creativity.  I am even luckier that they horded every bit of art my brothers sisters and I made and filed it all away for us.  I recently got this idea in my head (the idea undoubtedly plagiarized by something I most likely saw on the interwebs ages ago) to sort through the three fat folders of artwork I made way too long ago when I was young and “finish” some of my favorite ones.  I found five great candidates and this little horny bastard is the first.

The only rules I set for myself in doing this are as follows:

  1. The colorized “finished” picture must use the vast majority of the original lines of the scanned artwork and must be used as they were placed.
  2. I can add to lines and create details and features that were not present in the original, but can remove nothing that is obviously intentionally placed.
  3. The “finished” version still has to have the same “spirit” that my younger self intended when first drawing it.

Hopefully I am onto something that people besides myself find amusing and interesting.  There will be more in time.  Now back to that fucking colored pencil time-hog…

Fingers, Feet, Fur and Filler

Every second of the two weeks this 14 by 11 inch monstrosity took to draw was pure torture.  For every five minutes of Design Ebony pencil actually leaving a mark on the paper, there were twenty minutes of pacing and contemplating, and loading up on caffeine.

"Fingers, Feet, Fur and Filler"
“Fingers, Feet, Fur and Filler”

Not by coincidence, the title of this picture “Fingers, Feet, Fur and Filler” is also a list of things my lazy ass usually goes out of its way to avoid in drawings.  My backgrounds are scarce at best or nonexistent, feet and hands are generally out of frame or obscured, and hair more often than not might as well be a random wad of daddy-long-leg spiders wrapped in YMCA shower-pubes.  As part of my efforts to make several much needed improvements in my art, I chose to address every one of these things in the hopes that what doesn’t kill me will make me stronger.  When I am able to look at a pencil again, I will let you know if it worked.

Welcome to iDrawCrap!

Welcome to iDrawCrap!  Thank you for clicking on whatever you clicked on to get you here!  My name is Todd Gass and I am a nobody who likes to pretend I can draw paint and sculpt things that someone else might find interesting.  As is true with many people who claim to be artists, lack of motivation and procrastination are very real and very destructive entities.  This blog is my attempt to fight back.  I’m hoping that by doing this blog I can convince myself that there are people expecting something from me, and in turn, I can be more productive.

A HUGE thanks goes out to my coworker and friend John D who planted this whole blog seed in my head.  He makes my crap look even crappier.  Check his stuff out: Mostly Arty Somewhat Farty or Comic Book blogs.

This first post is going to contain some categorized samples of my earlier crap that I haven’t lost or destroyed yet.  I am horrible with time and record keeping, so I’m not even going to try to guess how far back some of these go.

A quick word of warning: there will be plenty of foul words going forward as well as adult content, so please hit that back button now if you are easily offended!!!  

ZBRUSH

"Baby Mesh Head" - An early Zbrush piece I am sort of proud of.
“Baby Mesh Head” – An early Zbrush piece I am sort of proud of.

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