While haphazardly hiking some poorly rendered forest, I stumbled across Maynard Sachs – the featherless bird of paradise wannabe – whilst searching for a clearing suitable to take a dump in. Dude was sleeping or standoffish, (I didn’t ask,) and was occupying what would have been a choice spot, so with a raised middle finger, I cursed his insensitivity. Dude was a grade-A prick.

Hello?  Anyone still come around here?  Turns out, I was alive the whole time!  So procrastination, a completely fucked work schedule, and a complete lack of time has rendered me creatively infertile for too goddamned long.  Sure, I scribbled an occasional doodle while at work, and its true that I often fell asleep to random art tutorials on Youtube, but I was starting to sink into the hole that only the truly unproductive can know the disgusting feeling of.  It fucking sucked.  With the realization that it has been over a year since my last post, it was finally time to try to start digging myself out, one painful shovelful after another, or risk reaching that point of no return.

Now before this gets too wordy, here’s what I got:

“While haphazardly hiking some poorly rendered forest, I stumbled across Maynard Sachs – the featherless bird of paradise wannabe – whilst searching for a clearing suitable to take a dump in. Dude was sleeping or standoffish, (I didn’t ask,) and was occupying what would have been a choice spot, so with a raised middle finger, I cursed his insensitivity. Dude was a grade-A prick.” – Created in Corel Painter

Have you ever taken a piss at some random place and just kind of stared at the speckles of paint on the wall?  Or maybe looked closely at a series of water stains, or rust, or any other random bullshit.  Kind of let your eyes go out of focus until your brain starts to find images in them?  I have, way too often.  I always regret that I can’t take a mental snapshot of what I envisioned, but I suspect that taking a pencil and sketchbook into a public piss-house might not be considered proper etiquette…  There is a point to this.

So, I was horribly out of practice, and had absolutely no idea of what I wanted to make, thus I decided to force that needed creativity by emulating that random bullshit I mentioned above.  I started by taking the cover off of my poor neglected Wacom Cintiq, fired up Corel Painter, and found a nice scratchy noise brush.  Next, I beat the shit out of the canvass with fast random noise until it was covered with an explosion of fine lines.  Finally, I stared at all of those strange marks until my eyes went out of focus and my imagination awoke.  Using the pencil I began the long process of turning the noise into what my imagination saw.  Look closely enough, and those random marks can still be seen, (I actually am quite pleased with how they give the illustration some character, and plan on utilizing this technique in the future.)  That process guided me through the creation of the creature in its entirety.

With half of the canvass filled, I strained my eyes and saw a tree.  This made sense, but felt very bland.  The picture needed something else to help give it balance.  I could make out the beginnings of a person in the noise, but who was it, and what would they be doing?  And then it all came clear.  The last and only self-portrait I have ever done was over 35 years ago (I’d imagine while I was still shitting my Huggies,) though I have “finished” it MUCH later, and what better reference availability than myself?!  Fact is, I’m usually available the same times I’m available, so it all kind of worked out.  As for what I would be doing, I decided to stick with what I know: drinking an energy drink and flipping someone off  (yeah, I drive an hour each way to work on country roads…my middle finger gets its workout.)

As time was limited, I worked on this a few hours here and there every few days for about a month.  In the end, I am happy with what I have done, but even happier that the little driving fire in me has not been completely extinguished.  I have a newfound sense of urgency to create, will be starting a new job in a few weeks that hopefully allows me a little more personal time, and I can remember once more exactly how good it feels to just make something.

I will be back.


Squirt…(this guy pees where you swim)

Here’s another bunch of bullshittary I threw together after work these last couple nights on the IPad Pro while trying to gain more comfort in the awesome Paintstorm Studio:

“Squirt” -Created in Paintstorm Studio on the IPad Pro using the Apple Pencil

This was overworked to hell and back then overworked some more to the point where I’m not even sure how I feel about it.  While I am a HUGE fan of detail, I know that I do tend to go overboard, thus I feel I need to apologize for any headaches that trying to decipher this mess might cause.  

I do also feel the need to work with color some more, as I realize my last few posts were pretty dark, so stay tuned for that…

Demonic Selfie – a Return to the Stylus

Here’s how you do it:

  1. Make a New Year’s Resolution to make and post one drawing a week
  2. Post this resolution on your blog
  3. Completely blow it by not drawing a damn thing for a couple months immediately after

So I work a lot of hours at a pretty draining job with a long ride to and from work that basically leaves me a slouching lazy couch-stain at the end of the day.  Couch stains don’t draw much, but when they do they realize that their most prized Wacom Cintiq Companion’s charger port is shit, and every tiny movement causes the charging to abruptly come to a halt.  On top of this, couch stains also discover just how battery-hungry the Cintiq Companion truly is.  This is not the most optimal situation for someone like me who likes to spend several hours drawing (when I have several hours to spare) with the Companion wiggling in my lap and the tv playing reruns of true crime shows I have seen a thousand times in the background.  To be continued after the following:

“Demonic Selfie” – Drawn on the Ipad Pro with the Apple Pencil in “Paintstorm Studio”

Yeah, my Wacom Companion took a digital shit on me (and apparently many others according to the forums) I went in search of a new fix.  As I have warmed up towards Apple products first with my IPhone, and later with my IPad Air – I came to the conclusion that I used them more for browsing the interweb for inter-species erotica and Ebaying mummified ex-pets than I do my laptops – it seemed obvious that all the overtime I have been working should go towards an upgrade for my IPad Air as Apple has yet to let me down.

The IPad Pro (the big version) along with the Apple Pencil and the Logitech keyboard/case was an awesome investment.  I won’t review any of those things here, as YouTube already is flooded with people singing their praise, but how is it for drawing?  I’ve messed around with Procreate, Paper, Sketchbook, Artrage, ArtStudio, as well as others I can’t immediately recall, but none of them were able to touch Corel Painter (the holy grail of digital drawing/painting programs) on my old nearly deceased Companion.  Some worked better than others with the ability to tilt the pencil and pressure sensitivity – both for me are absolute necessities – but none were great, so I continued my search.

Enter Painstorm Studio.  Holy FUCK!  This is a true full-featured app not at all dumbed down for tablets.  As a person who is sexually aroused by Corel Painter, this gives me a pretty good chub too.  The brushes are all customizable, support Apple Pencil’s tilt and pressure sensitivity, layers, and can export in Photoshop-compatible .psd files as well as Jpegs.  I LOVE this program and hope that more people hear about and support this developer (the cost was 12.99 at the time of this writing and easily worth twice that) so they continue to develop it.  This is my new favorite IPad Pro app and one I would consider essential for any artists out there with an IPad Pro and Apple Pencil.

So this picture was my very first non-doodle created exclusively on the IPad Pro in Paintstorm Studio.  The experience of working on this new hardware and software will take a while to acclimate myself to, but I love what I am seeing enough to stick with it until it does.  Maybe in 85 more decades when I have free time I will post another!

No Peeking – A christmas Miracle

As I neglected to exploit my very favorite holiday of the year this year – Halloween – I decided to make up for it by doing a horror themed christmas picture.  This was worked on during the scarce free time I had during the past three days as I began a new job with random and brutal hours.

No Peeking
“No Peeking” – My attempt at spreading some holiday cheer.

I hope to be back with a New Years piece, but only time will tell.  Happy Holidays to everyone and thanks for looking!


Second Childhood – “Todd”

Here is the second picture in my “Second Childhood” series in which I “finish” artwork I started as a stupid child.  This piece is titled “Todd” and began almost 36 years ago in 1980 when I was 4.  (For you mathematicians out there, yeah, I’m THAT old…)  You’ll note that I neglected to draw pants on this guy, and even gave him one of those things.

“Todd 2015” – Drawn with marker on scrap paper in 1980. Finished in Corel Painter in 2015.

And here’s the original:

“Todd 1980” – I consider this one of my best drawings and have been trying for almost 36 years to create something as cool as this with no luck as of yet.



…because “Shopkins” is copyrighted.

So here I am, over a month, drunk off my stupid ass, and absolutely nothing to show until now.  I’m sure my drunk mind has some sort of totally rad social commentary to preach with this one, but hell if I feel like trying to decipher exactly what that might be right now.  Without further ado, I present my latest drunken digital scribble:

“Shopchin” – a Drunken commentary of some sort of undetermined significance…or not…

That thing the swollen-eyed creature is holding is a jelly-dick.  After that I am kind of uncertain just where in the fuck I was going with this.  Something about capitalism or whatever in the fuck is the hot topic I’m sure.  Be impressed though..I’m certain there’s a totally brilliant idea behind this one…

Cthulhu! Excuse me…

Well, it’s been over a month and I hope you’ve all had enough time to learn your lessons: you can’t trust me to keep any kind of deadline when it comes to drawing.  The following is a sketch I started while sitting in front of the tv with a good friend watching movie after movie.  I have been trying to be more active lately and accomplish more than just watching movies and playing games, so to avoid the inevitable guilt following such a bout of sloth, I decided to break out my Cintiq Companion and scribble up a quick Cthulhu.  Normally these mindless sketches are unfinished and deleted before powering down the computer, but as I didn’t totally hate how it was turning out, and seeing as I desperately needed something to put on this blog, I decided to finish it, sign it, and glue it to the interweb so I can appear slightly less lazy than I have been lately.

"Cthulhu" - A "sitting on my ass in front of the tv watching movie after movie with a friend" justification sketch.
“Cthulhu” – A “sitting on my ass in front of the tv watching movie after movie with a friend” justification sketch.

I have a pretty large amount of work doing some illustrations for my aforementioned friend (the one that isn’t imaginary) that I have agreed to, thus I have expectations and guidelines that actually mean something and are not self-imposed.  I’m hoping that means more productivity on my end which will result in more frequent posts.  I hope to be back very soon. Time will tell…


“Turbo Kid” was the tits!

Fungi Jones is a Creep

Here is something I had been working on in the scarce free time I’ve had over the past few days.  It started as a series of quick doodles on my Wacom Cintiq while lounging sloth-like on my couch; the typical dumb eyeball, some kind of strange blue fleshy pod, and some stupid-ass squiggles.  For whatever reason I decided to just keep going with it and turn it into a single complete piece.  As it was completely random and my attention was divided between it and the television, and I had absolutely no idea where it was going to go, it is far more spontaneous than my last few pieces – I believe that spontaneity might be its saving grace

"Fungi Jones is a Creep" - A random bullshit doodle gone too far.
“Fungi Jones is a Creep” – A random bullshit doodle gone too far.

In all honesty it felt very good working on something with absolutely no idea where it would take me.  This was something I used to do all the time, and began shying away from over the years for some reason I can’t even think of.  I plan to do this sort of thing more often and can only hope that people dig the results.

Thanks for looking and I hope to be back very soon!


Attention Little Ones! This Guy is Probably Hiding in Your Room!!!

Here I am again and less than a week since the last post!  I actually had a good time making “Pissy Wizard” – I’m assuming because I treated it as more of a random sketch where I didn’t need to worry about accuracy or using references or any of that other stuff that might be construed as preparation.  There’s something to say for complete spontaneity.  I had some free time today on my day off and decided to go for it again.  This time I plucked the very first idea that came to my head and ran with it.  My first idea was actually the title of this picture “Attention Little Ones! This Guy is Probably Hiding in Your Room!!!” There’s something inherently amusing to me about scaring the shit out of little kids.  With that in mind I came up with this:

"Attention Little Ones! This Guy is Probably Hiding in Your Room" - Just something random I whipped up in Corel Painter made to waste precious free time.
“Attention Little Ones! This Guy is Probably Hiding in Your Room” – Just something random I whipped up in Corel Painter made to waste precious free time.

Not sure when I’ll be back on here, but I’ll try like hell to make it soon.  I’ve got a lot of shit in my head screaming like spastic crackheads to come out.  Thanks for viewing!